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Starting over (again)

I went to the gym yesterday after a 2-1/2 month lapse. Like most people, it’s a struggle doing “healthy” things and I’m no different.

I had made a deal with myself the day before, promising myself I would go to the gym. No questions asked. The morning came and my desire to go never manifested.

Fortunately, going to the gym was on my to-do list. And while I was in serious negotiation with myself to not go, I realized that even though I didn’t want to do it, I would feel more proud of myself if I did go.

So there I went. To the gym.

Signed in. Locked my bag up. Put my music on.

Wasn’t entirely sure what I was going to do but figured I should start doing what I had done in the past. I knew I didn’t have a lot of energy so I cut out the intense cardio and just went to the weights, which, oddly enough, I don’t mind doing.

After 1 minute, I knew I really wasn’t in to it. I wanted to stop.

A little conversation I had in my head:

“Keep going.” I do one more set.

“Don’t want to do this.”

“Keep going.”

“I reaaaallly don’t have the energy to do this.”

“OK. Finish this set and go home.”

Time elapsed at the gym: 7 minutes.

Guilt or shame: 0

I went. And that’s what matters. Next time I go, I’m pretty sure I’ll have more energy and can work a bit harder.

I read a wonderful article about “starting over” in Yoga Journal a while ago and it made a big difference in my life.

For those of use that are chronically depressed or under-achievers, starting over is our saving grace. We can’t give up. We can only start over.

And yesterday, I started over.