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Yuck

I don’t know what the DSM would call today.

It’s like I couldn’t think, couldn’t understand. My mind was sluggish and unable to make vital connections that lead to verbal comprehension. I saw the letters, I saw the words but I couldn’t form the meanings in my head.

I don’t have ADHD apparently. I’m not developmentally disabled. But clearly my working memory, problem-solving skills and verbal comprehension are well below others.

My boss could not have been more clear. Why didn’t I get it?

The crazy shitty thoughts come back… you suck, you’re a loser, you’re never going to succeed…

They’re so loud, so real, it’s like another entity (not human, more like gremlin, monster-like) has taken over my brain and my body. It’s been a while, and now they’re back. It seems I’ve rolled out the welcome mat.

I had too much sugar last night, and this morning I felt like shit, like I was hungover. I felt sad, moody and I wanted to leave the office by 8:30am.

So, was I really depressed or was it just a chemical reaction?

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