What is the DSM?
What is mental health?
Despite all the research in the field, I still think we are miles away from a satisfactory answer. Sure, there is the DSM, the supposed bible of mental health disorders. There are also oodles of mental health professionals working in the field. Yet, despite all the talk and trying, we still don’t understand the true nature of mental health. At least, in my opinion anyway.
I’ve read other people’s descriptions of their anxiety and how it affects their life. I’ve also read the DSM description of anxiety and completed a “diagnostic” test, given to me by my primary physician. According to him, I was a highly anxious person.
I don’t think my friend’s would label me as anxious. I’m comfortable, for the most part, in social situations and meeting new people. Upon meeting someone though, I can become extremely intimidated and become a stupid rambling fool. More on this later.
My anxiety creeps us on me usually at night. I can feel its pall slide into room, up my legs and settle into my upper arms (weird, I know). I’m fucked after that. Anxious, irrational thoughts, cycle wildly in my brain. On a bad night, I can feel its approach around 11pm. However, most nights, I’m allowed a few hours sleep and it doesn’t come to visit until 3 or 4am. I know the routine. Grab my duvet, go to the living room and put on a movie. Hopefully I can catch some zzzs. The good news is that this night-monster usually slips out after I’ve had my shower.
I don’t have the strength or will to write this at the moment. Come back tomorrow, next week or in a few months to see if I’ve fleshed this out a bit more. I’m completely exhausted. I had the anxiety monster visit last night. I’ve been up since 3 am and I’m dog-tired.
What is intelligence? What makes someone smarter? Why are some people quick-learners? I have no idea but I’d love to have whatever it is they’re having. While not clinically retarded, I have HUGE gaps in problem-solving, memory and comprehension. I think my boss is slowly starting to realize that. I certainly hope he doesn’t think I’m fucking up so much because of spite, malice or laziness. I’d like to fill in this paragraph a bit more later as well. As I mentioned above, I’m bagged.