I’m here…

I’m still here. In case you’re wondering.

My father passed away recently, after a short illness. I don’t feel depressed at the moment–just relief. Even though he wasn’t in a lot of pain, he suffered.

I learned this spring that dying isn’t easy. I had never heard of terminal restlessness before… how is that possible? Why are we not talking about it?

It is very stressful to watch someone you love go through such a painful process. From what I’ve read, Dad’s was on the milder side. Still, it was difficult to witness.

Now, it is time to move on. We’ve know that Dad wasn’t going to be cured; these past few months, I always thought about when the end would come and what it would look like. Those thoughts would constantly run in the background, making it difficult to focus on what was in front of me. Naturally I had difficulties thinking of the future and making plans. I suppose it’s time now to get back in the game. The tough part is that I was never really in the game.

Work is slow which means I’m only going in to the office one day a week. On one hand, I’m embracing all this time off. However, I know I’m going to hole up in my apartment (by myself) and watch TV for too many hours in the day–not exactly the best thing for my mental health.


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