Archive | January 18, 2013

Do you throw out your journals?

I’m debating whether I should toss my journals from the past 20 years or so. There aren’t many of them so it’s not a matter of storage. My biggest concern is, what happens to those words after I die? Will whoever cleans up my belongings, read them?

I don’t feel relief when I go through those books. I’m embarrassed and ashamed, to be honest. I’m still struggling with the same issues and haven’t made any progress.

I have also said some not-so-nice things about others.

Oh wait, I have made some progress I guess. I’m not blaming others for my misery; I’m taking full responsibility baby. People that are close to me, friends and family, have hurt me. Their words, actions and even non-actions burned indelible impressions in my psyche. But, I’ve forgiven them all. I know they love me unconditionally and they did the best they could. I’m sure I have hurt those same people in return through my own words, actions and non-actions (ie, what I didn’t do).

There is a chance I will live another 30, 40 years. However, should I be smoked by a bus tomorrow, what are the consequences of those words, should anyone read them?

I’d rather not have anyone know how miserable I’ve been throughout my life – I’ve been able to keep up the facade so far.

What about you? Toss or keep?